2011 is a very different year. Business is now down to just one facility, the one in Farum, Denmark. Very far from what the dreams and plans were only 4 years back.
Plan is to keep Swimmix Farum, as it is, with the facility manager we have in charge. I will concentrate on writing, lecturing, presenting and consulting. But those plans I soon learn will have to wait a little longer.
Swimmix Farum celebrates 10 years and we held a party for our swimmers, their parents, grandparents and the Swimmix staff. We celebrate all day with cake, balloons and fun. That day was made extraordinary thanks to the team in Farum – That was a great day and the sun shun from the blue skies!
But behind the scenes we are experiencing our first drop in our straight 10 years of growth. We also have new staff starting and leaving in a worrying speed. I sence tension within the old staff. I try to understand why and help out in the best way I can. In december I take the tough but only decision I can - we are terminating the facility manager.
Thank you to old staff for hanging in there despite difficulties. I am so grateful that you stayed we couldn't have done it without you.
Back in october we attend the USSSA conference at Disney in Orlando where I also present for the last time before a long break. I'm taking a longer break from appearances on stage. The conference is great and being at Disney affects me on many levels. I know many talks about Disney as a money machine but for me it is a very creative environment and I love the characters and the play. To see children and their happy faces as they see or get a hug from Mickey, Donald, a Princess or Pinocchio is pure magic. I get many ideas at this magical conference. Thank you again organizers of the USSSA and everyone there. Thank you to the staff at Disney for creating the magic. And also a special thank you to Mr. Disney, your legacy brings smiles on our faces and a little magic into our lives.
The blows and losses I have experienced the past years has shook my grounds and has sent my self-esteem into an all time low. I feel unworthy of pretty much everything. I know why but the feeling is heavy and hard to keep in check at all times. The tune for me this year is John Denver's “Fly Away”. That's how I feel, I want to fly away, far away.
I am exhausted, energy is very low and I feel blue. But my business needs me more than ever. No time to fly away.
In May I get so hoarse that I loose my voice and it doesn't get better. It's a cyst on my vocal cords. Needs surgery. I am put under anesthetic and a couple of hours later I wake up and am told to keep silent. Silence for weeks and then vocal training. I guess my body said well she doesn't listen; very well lets shut her up. But it takes three more surgeries before I start to learn. “It's hard for old dogs to learn new tricks.”
It's time to heal my self, refuel and get the energy back. That will take me almost three years.
One of the most difficult things I have experienced is feeling sad when you know you have nothing right now in your life to be sad about.
Thank you to Johan, my children, Auguste and Ida, my sister, Victoria and her family and friends for loving me. With you I belong and I love you so much. Always will! Your love helped me to love and believe in my self again and to pick my self up from the abyss.